The Magic of How Small We Are (Call Me Superman)
Xavier sat down. You may wonder, why the hell was Xavier sitting down? I wondered it myself as well. The problem is, Xavier is a fictional character. That's why I haven't been able to ask him why he was sitting down. One thing was clear though: not because he was having fun.
His head was resting between his hands. His hands were resting on his arms. His arms were resting on his knees. His knees were resting at the ground. The ground was resting on the earth. The earth was resting between the planets. The planets were resting around the sun. The sun was resting somewhere in the Milky Way. 'Our' Milky Way was resting between the other galaxies.
I'll reveal a little secret. I indeed never was able to ask why Xavier sat down because he's just a fictional character. But I'm the writer of this story. I made Xavier sit down. I just didn't know why. Now I do.
Xavier suddenly realized how small he is. Xavier was just a little piece of existence. There was so much more existence. 'All I am is a thought of some pretentious writer who has nothing better to do than making me sit here,' he thought. 'He actually should be learning his maths test for tomorrow, but he rather makes me feel useless,' he thought just a second after his previous thought.
Xavier could do nothing but cry. Xavier cried because I wrote he was crying. Xavier was crying because he was crying just because I am telling him to do so. Xavier realized he's nothing but a fictional character, he's nothing but a thought written down.
'Why do big moments in my life always make me feel so small?' he wondered at loud.
He looked up to the sky. He had never been there. His parents never had enough money to leave town, let alone to fly to far-away destinations.
'I wish I could fly, so I could feel at least a little less small.'
But human beings can't fly. Humans are not birds. Sad but true.
'How can I make a difference in a world with six billion people who all are different? How am I supposed to comprehend that there are stars that literally take over a thousand years to fly around on an aeroplane, while I haven't been in an aeroplane for even a second?'
I think we should be worried about Xavier. His thoughts start to sound melancholic. The will to have everything, the will to be everything, the will to be more than you can ever be, is something natural among humans. Xavier realized it too well.
'I can't make a difference. I have no power in this world. I don't even have love around me. Love is a rare product and I got no money. The world is too big for a person like me. I can take a step, but while I take a step, millions of other people take a bigger step.'
Xavier, cheer up, darling. There's enough to live for. The writer is speaking to you, cheer up!
'You were the one to make me feel like this, shut up. You're the last one I would trust.'
I gave you existence.
'So what? What do I have to do with existence without the choice what to do with my existence? When you stop thinking about me I am gone, you are aware of that?'
'So don't tell me to cheer up. You're not really allowing me to do so anyway. I'm too powerless to do anything. I'm too small.'
Xavier, my dear child, have you become silly? Do you see that ant over there, the one that just bit your leg, causing a red swelling? It's even smaller than you are. There are billions of ants around him, and none of these ants are allowed to say anything. All are working for a lazy bitch called the queen. And guess what? Even the queen of ants, even the most powerful of all ants, isn't allowed to do anything but to have sex and lay eggs. So don't say you are small in power or in size. They, the ants, they are.
'Telling me that there are creatures suffering more than I do isn't really a comforting thing to say.'
Oh poor boy, poor, poor Xavier!
'I know I got no money, you don't have to repeat it to me.'
No, no, you got me wrong, dear child! All I want you to do is not to look at how small you are. Look at how big you are. I myself don't know what 's the truth, I don't know if I am small or big, I don't know if you are small or big, but I do know what you should do. Instead of creating a truth for yourself that hurts, create a truth for yourself that doesn't hurt.
'Why would I lie to myself if I knew the truth?'
No Xavier, that's the great thing: there is no truth. Just as there is no truth about how the earth came into existence, it doesn't matter, nobody can know for sure how the earth came into existence. Nobody was there at that moment. That's why some people have a God and that's why some people have science. Is one of them right? Nobody knows. That's why they have created truths for themselves they want to believe in. So, Xavier, my dear child, what do you want to believe in?
Xavier didn't answer. He just gazed at the ground. The ground wasn't resting on the earth anymore. He was sitting on the ground. It wasn't about how big everything is, it is about how big you are. He was sitting on the ground, the ground wasn't sitting on him. He had the power to sit, the ground didn't.
He had more choice than something huge like the ground.
'Maybe I am making you write, maybe I am not doing this because you write. Nobody knows. My truth is that I inspire you to make me do inspirational things. That's the good truth.'
After having spoken these words, Xavier stood up and folded his fingers into a fist.
He looked up to the sky, again. 'I will once be there,' he thought. Around the blue sky there were trees. The trees were surrounding the sun, that burning star hanging in the blue sky. Xavier jumped in the blue sky, fist held high.
'Call me superman,' he whispered, seeing that the light suddenly was gone: his fist was just as big as the sun.